i feel safe posting this here, because very few people i actually know watch me, so i can let this out without them finding it.

i'm tired of pretending. the face everyone sees everyday is fake. behind that i'm falling apart, i just want to get out. i even thought about leaving for manchester for good, just to get away, but i went up there for a week and realised that i couldn't stay away from this place, i missed everyone too much, as shit as the actual town is.

my life came crashing down around me in March this year, my mum was told that she had breast cancer on the 5th March, and less than 2 weeks later she had an operation to have the lump removed, and then things got hectic, since the 1st april we've been to the macmillan unit at our local hospital at least once a week. Everytime I go with her, its like a knife in my gut, because i think, in 30, maybe 40 years if i'm lucky, it will probably be me going through all that, and i don't think i could cope if i have to do it. I've only just stopped hiding from it all, and i'm sowly beginning to pick up the pieces, its like the last 7 months haven't been real, and its been like one very odd dream.

my friends are what makes life worth the trouble, i love every single one of them, and i don't think they realise just how much.
i realised that people actually worry about me, and they shouldn't i'm fine, really. i'll just keep on pretending life's ok, so really, i'm fine, please, stop worrying about me?

anyway, over and out... don't worry, i'm not about to go kill myself, like i said, i love all my friends too much, they mean the world to me

~X~
Friends:
100 Themes Challenge: [link]

well i'm doing rather well, thankyou for asking

Well I bought myself Twilight the day before yesterday, and read it within about 6 hours of buying it, and completely fell in love with it and now want to read the other 3, but can't until my birthday or xmas *cries* its no fair, on the plus side, its only 40 days until my birthday, and then just 2 and a half weeks or so until xmas, so not that long to wait really

i haven't posted much on here in a while because i've been too tired, if that makes sense?

meh, anyway, over & out. got stuff to do.

Chloe xx

~X~
Friends:
The Boyfriend:
100 Themes Challenge: [link]

i tried to order a new phone yesterday, on contract, and got an email this morning from Orange (the company i'd tried to order the phone with) saying they wouldn't let me have the contract as my credit rating wasn't good enough or something. I've never gone overdrawn, a) because its impossible for me to do so, and b) because its a stupid thing to do anyway.
it took me fucking ages to get my parents to agree to letting me get a contract phone, and they only agreed because i'm spending too much on credit, now i've gotta go beg them all over again to pay the damn thing for me. That is going to be impossible. if you knew my dad you'd understand.

anyway, over and out, bitching isn't helping matters right now




______________________

EDIT(roughly 5 hours later): ok, so my mother is nice, she ordered the phone for me am now paying her £20 a month for it, but its worth it
~X~
Friends:
The Boyfriend:
100 Themes Challenge: [link]

Ok, so its been about a month since I last wrote on here, i've barely been able to get access to the internet though, i've basically lived at darren's for the last month mainly because of work, and family holidays. but yeah, got a fair amount of stuff written, mainly for my 100 themes challenge [link] so i'll get that posted over the next few days. There's some varied stuff, and i've learnt an interesting lesson, when i'm drinking large amounts of alcohol and writing, you get some very interesting results.

On a sidenote, my parents have just had a new kitchen fitted, it makes me happyful, and want to do lots of cooking. i'm gonna start by making gluten-free brownies . (i'm a coeliac you see) if anyone knows of any other good gluten-free recipes, please do let me know

Anyway, not much else I can think of to write in here. so its over & out for now.
__
Friends:
The Boyfriend:
100 Themes Challenge: [link]

Well yeah, I'm in a better frame of mind than I was when i wrote that last journal . I've spent the best part of the last week with Darren He makes me so goddamned happy its unbelieveable.
But yeah, i'm gonna be away after today until the 31st July. I'm actually staying at Darren's flat with him, as my parents are away.

on another note. 1500+ pageviews. I will honestly love the person who gets a screenshot of my 2000th. They may even get a fic written for them.

Over and Out

Friends:

100 Themes Challenge: [link]